Something to Share

Playing @ blog...
"You are the sunshine of my life

Thats why Ill always be around,

You are the apple of my eye,

Forever youll stay in my heart"

~For Butter~

Toast:

Sometimes I wonder about my own life. On the things that I have gone through, those that I have lost and what I have now.

"If you can turn back time, what will you change?"

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Hmmmn...let's talk about Love. My feel.

Those who have been through love will know that it eventually comes with a price of pain. To love is never easy especially it's human nature to be selfish. If you are not hurt in the process of relationship.... at the end of the day, you still gonna lose it..in death.

Let's talk about Love in a relationship. Surprisingly in this real world, many have given up seeking for true Love....coz many have been hurt in relationships...so much that..they seek for sexual pleasures with their hearts shut...a mindset of NO committment...in fact it's their fear of losing...fear of getting hurt all over again....a fear of pain.

I had been through a really bad relationship in the past.....so bad that it took me years to heal.(During that period...I still went for my parties...put on that chipy smile and looking good...what a perfect mask!) Within, I felt lonely despite being with friends...felt that no one would ever understand me. I felt alone. To a point that I was pretty convinced that I could never find someone I could share my heart with (although there had been people who showed they really care about me...but somehow "he's not the one"...yupz..did feel tempted to give it a go but something in me always held me back).

Have you ever felt that way too?

Somehow along the way....I met Butter. He gives me that kinda special feel. A feel that makes me decide to put away the fear and give my best shot. Of coz' I did have my initial reservations...my mind then was "shucks...What if I'm gonna get hurt again??!!!...And I kinda met him out of the blue" and after a few dates...."Haiz...if this gonna hurt me....then be it! Shall give it a last shot and give my best!" so here I am with Butter hehe *wink*

I believe that when we decide to do something....should always give our best! although we may gain nothing out of it. Yea it is disappointing....but at least you get an answer ya. I don't really like sitting around...assuming what's its like to be there....you want something...do it and get it,....you don't try.

Ok back to Love, I believe in true Love heh...If happen that I'm not with Butter now....I rather focus time in other aspects of life. I'm not that kinda person...to simply find a partner and get married..or because "they say so ...it's time to settle." Can't bring myself to do that....feel like somehow...I will regret and let myself down. This is my life...not his...not hers...

Everyone will have someone special out there. It's all about the right timing and learning how to give more than you take.

For those who are not attached, take time to do and fulfil other aspects of life. And for those who have found the love of their life....hmmmn....somehow....you will know "What's next" heh

~Tears and Laughter...that's the beautiful part about Love~

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On loss and regret....

I have my fair share....but the hardest was the loss of my Grandma last year. (Thought one only suffered heartache in boy-gal relationship).

My heart was in pain everyday during her hospitalisation and it finally broke when she left that day. It was after midnight....the docs were in the room...everyone seemed to be crying out loud....I didn't...but the tears just kept streaming down...although been telling myself it was better that way.....but at that point...I felt a surge of anger... She had been my pillar of strength since childhood. That was the first time that I felt a huge part being snatched away from me.

Till now, I still feel the pain....and the regrets....some of the things...if only I could turn back the clock.

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And on what I have now....and where I am....

I have Butter and of cos' my imperfect family heh....but most importantly...happy being myself despite of the shitz.... do have a certain kinda strength in me...like what I always tell Butter "I'm one tough lady!" hehe

Yah I know...nowadays tend to have this sweet vunerable look.....wahahahaha..

Check out my past job....hehe...let me show off abit here.

I kicked *** with my pair of stylo-milo safety boots heh.

(That was Me briefing the workers on site *wink*)

So it was like a shock when I went over to beauty....always wanted to go into beauty....so here I am...but felt that if I continue to hang on....very soon you will see me "eating grass"....so I'm moving on to the next chapter (pretty soon)....also quite a change....talk about it next time....

So leave it to you to figure why I am sharing this with you....getting tired of blogging here heh....gotta go

Have a great week ahead everyone!!!!!

~ONE LIFE. LIVE IT!~